A few days back, Liya said, "How is this house standing ma?" about the almost 100-year-old house that my great grandfather built. I was going to tell her that it was built in such a way that it stands for so long, about it's foundations and strong walls, etc. But she just stopped me in my thoughts when she said, "God's making it stand, isn't He?"
Psalms 127:1â€-‬2 says, "Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the guards stand watch in vain. In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat— for he grants sleep to those he loves."
I'm a control freak. If you've read the stuff I write, you already know that. How easy it is for us to think that we're the ones who are doing it all and that everything happens because we will it to! But these verses prod at me to examine the illusion of control that I think I have.
This was a realization that hit me like a ton of bricks once in the middle of the night, when Liya was crying for something and I couldn't get her to stop crying.
No amount of talking or reasoning was helping, because a) they never do when she's having meltdown. Logic goes out the window when a child is upset, have you noticed? And b) she was half asleep anyway, so even the little she might have understood if it was any other time wasn't going to happen now. I was just going to have to wait it out, till she calmed down on her own and fell back asleep.
And it was in this moment that it hit me, that this was a reflection of everything in my life. Just like I had absolutely no control over my child's midnight meltdown, I have no control over anything else either. Whatever is going to happen is going to happen. And no amount of preparation or precaution is going to change that. I remember how terrified I felt in that moment and how I was just a puddle of tears, in light of that realization.
But now, as I reflect back on that night, it's not so scary any more. In some ways, I feel a weight lifted off my shoulders. Because I know for a fact that the One who is in control is good. In fact, He's the very best. And as senseless and crazy as it feels in the moment, if I let go and let Him take control (the control I never had in the first place), I know that I'll be able to look back and see God's amazing wisdom, leading and faithfulness carrying us through. And whatever He's working out is for our good, our eternal good. All I need to do is to trust in what I already know. I'm also so grateful that God's enabled Liya's little mind to understand, at least on some level, that He's the One holding everything together. And my prayer is that this understanding would never depart from her and that this would be what she holds on to when fear and doubt take hold of her.